I know I'm addicted to email. Are you too?

The jury’s verdict is clear:  I am addicted to email.  And by extension, I suppose I can say I’m also addicted to my laptop and my cell phone.

This year our most holy day of the year, Yom Kippur coincided with our holiest day of each week, the Sabbath.  In an effort to honor both, with repentance and no work, I decided there would be no computers for me for 24 hours – no phone, no laptop. Cold turkey.

Had things gone as planned I probably would have been okay.  I could have hidden this dirty little secret from myself, my family…and you.

As fate would have it, my daughter spiked a fever.  No, I didn’t fall off the wagon by researching it on the internet or even by looking up the doctor’s phone number (memorized after 16 years of active use).  Dr. Mom suspected sinus infection.

The first challenge to my plan to stay away from email, etc: our family splits up, some to the doctor and others head off to synagogue. Do I take my phone? What if we need to reach each other? I know I’m not going to text my husband while he’s in services, but you never know what might happen.  I decide to take my phone, but silence it.  I vow with unspoken word to use it for emergencies only.  Zipped into my purse – I can’t even glance at the number of emails.

Success.  For now.

The second challenge: I walk into my house after having been away for over an hour.  What if new messages have arrived? I am temporarily placated by a flashing answering machine (yes, I still have one of those.) Ah, yes, someone wants me. I listen to the message and return the call from my landline (yes, I have one of those, too.).  I feed my child so she can take her medicine (my Dr. Mom’s diagnosis was spot on).

The third challenge: it’s a day of fasting.  I can’t eat, I can’t work and it’s clear I’m not going to make it to services at all.  What should I do? I could answer a few emails … No, I opt for a nap and snuggle with my child, but not before I deny the demonic, random tug of the outside world.  I close my office door.

What I have learned about email is that sometimes I let it take the place of my own prioritizing.  I check it to figure out what I need to do next, like I’m following someone else’s orders.  It takes away the need to get clear about how to use my time.  I received some coaching on this not too long ago, and decided to keep my computer screen on calendar instead of email.  It really worked for a while. I guess I gradually forgot about that agreement, until right now. 

Anyway, challenge # 4, the final proof:  I awaken from a second nap (can you say avoidance?). I want to do some writing. Do I dare go near a computer? Definitely not! The temptation of the glowing screen is just too great.  I opt for a good old-fashioned yellow legal pad and pen.  My father would be so proud!  I’ve made it to this point in longhand – so far, so good.

I’ve also managed to successfully ignore the various pings of the cell phone – I’m still not sure if they signify voice mails, emails or text messages, anyway – and they remain safely zipped into my purse.  I’ve been able to hold the line.

The irony to this story is that I’m actually somewhat of a techno-phobe.  I look people in the eyes when I have conversations (rather than glancing up from a screen), and I’m definitely not a vociferous tweeter/poster.  I pride myself on reserving my tweets for information I’d want to receive, like inspirational quotes and interesting opportunities for fun and/or learning. (twitter.com/TouchstoneCoach) I don’t read, much less forward, all those cutesy chain emails, and I still don’t really get social media.

Perhaps that’s why it has taken me so long to recognize that I really do have a problem.  By comparison to so many people in my life, I’m a relative non-user.  In fact, compared to some, I barely touch the stuff.

Now, I’m not bashing email or all of the modern conveniences of the digital world.  Everything has its place, everything in moderation, yada yada yada.

Ok, so what if I’m addicted? It’s not heroine, or cocaine, or even sex or gambling.  It’s harmless, isn’t it?

Addiction by its very definition is a problem because it is an obsessive-compulsive behavior that interferes with life.  Addiction is what happens when a habit gets out of control. 

And that is what this is really all about:  control.  My clarity here is not about email, it’s about the value I place on being in charge of my life.  Who is in control here? 

This is about learning how to set reasonable expectations for myself, establish limits as necessary, and then hold myself accountable. 

So, am I really addicted to email?  In truth, I’m damn close, and the difference is splitting hairs.

What I know is that I want to be the one making decisions about how to use my time, rather than allowing myself to be controlled by outside directives and requests

You’ll be pleased to know that I made it through the day, and even held the line until the following morning.  Tomorrow begins a new workweek and the hardest challenge begins anew. 

As I take my new awareness into the week, I now know that I’M the one who needs to decide, every day, to keep my screen on calendar (which I hate looking at, by the way), until I get a better handle on controlling myself.  I’m thinking of upping the ante and only checking my email 3x/day.

What about you?  Who decides for you how you’ll spend your time?  Shoot me an email or make a comment below – I’d love to hear how you manage this challenge.  I’ll write you back.  But be patient – it may take me a few days. 

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This blog also appears as part of my regular column on ShareWiK.com.